Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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