omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
