my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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