i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
