she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
