Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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