You're my little dorito
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
