so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
