i used baking grease as lip gloss
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
