his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
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