Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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