You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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