I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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