Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
