I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize