Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
