idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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