Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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