dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
