I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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