the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She made me pour olive oil on her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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