I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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