smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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