a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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