My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
