It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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