I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
