were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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