Please, let me fuck your mom
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
