Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
