Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
