funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
