afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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