sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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