i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
