it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
