He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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