just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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