please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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