i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
