you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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