i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
