At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He felt like a one man threesome
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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