so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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