You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
