so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
