I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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