she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize