Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize