Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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