i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
