??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
