I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
