Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
