She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
two words...techno handjob
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
