Quick, to the slutcave!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
