Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize