So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
