I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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