Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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