were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
