everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
