Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
