I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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