I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
