I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
