Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
