whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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