I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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