I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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