Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
