My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
