The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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