I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
