You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
