Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
