Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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